Last week's
oxymoron comment in the introduction section generated some interesting
responses. So, this week's Featured Funny is dedicated to
oxymorons and the twisted English Language that forces us to use them.
- A 12-Ounce Pound Cake
- Accurate Horoscope
- Act Naturally
- Adult Children
- Advanced BASIC
- African American (Italian American, Polish American, etc.)
- Agree to Disagree
- Airline Food
- Almost Done, Almost Exactly, Almost Ready
- Alone Together
- Anarchy Rules!
- Anxious Patient
- Appearance Hearing (court appearance)
- Approximately Equal
- Artificial Intelligence
- Assistant Supervisor
- Auction Winner (you still have to pay for it!)
- Audience Participation
- Authentic Reproduction
- Awfully Good
- Awfully Nice
- Baby Grand
- Bad Health
- Bad Luck
- Bad Sex
- Bad Sport
- Ball Club
- Benign Tumor
- Black Gold (slang for crude oil)
- Black Light
- Black Russian
- Blue Bird of Happiness
- Blue Green
- Big Baby
- Birthday Suit
- Bitter Sweet
- Boneless Ribs
- Books on Tape
- Bridegroom
- Bright Night
- Buffalo Wings
- Business Ethics
- Butt Head
- Cardinal Sin
- Casual Dress
- Catfish
- Cautiously Optimistic
- Charm Offensive
- Chocolate 'Nilla Wafers
- Christian Militia
- Christian Scientist
- Civil Disobedience
- Civil Servant
- Civil War
- Classic Rock
- Clean Litter
- Clearly Misunderstood
- Clever Fool
- Click the start button to shut down
- Close Distance
- Cold Fever, Cold Sweat
- Comedic Tragedy
- Commercial Art
- Compassionate Conservative
- Computer Jock
- Concession Stand
- Congressional Ethics
- Conscious Sedation (hospital term)
- Consensual Rape
- Conservative Stock (as in the Stock Market)
- Conservative Think Tank
- Constant Change, Constant Variable
- Constitutional Amendment to Ban Flag Burning
- Couch Potato
- Crash Landing
- Creation Science
- Criminal Justice
- Criminal Mastermind
- Crisis Management
- Critical Acclaim
- Cruel to be Kind
- Cupboard
- Current History
- Dark Star
- Date Rape
- Deafening Silence
- Death Benefits
- Definite Maybe
- Detailed Summary
- Devout Atheist
- Diet Ice Cream
- Dodge Ram
- Doing Nothing
- Domestic Violence
- Double Solitaire
- Down Escalator
- Drink Responsibly (hypocritical tag line on liquor and beer commercials)
- Drug War
- Dry Gin, Dry Ice, Dry Lake, Dry Martini
- Dull Knife
- Economic Science
- Educational TV
- Elementary Calculus
- Elevated Subway
- Elevator Shoes
- Evaporated Milk
- Even Odds
- Exact Estimate
- Executive Assistant
- Express Bus
- Extended Limits
- Extinct Life
- Extra Time, Extra Money
- Extra Virgin (the opposite of "A Little Pregnant")
- Factory Air
- Family Planning Association (you go there to not have a family!)
- Family Vacation
- Fatally Injured
- Female Sperm Whale
- First Annual
- Foreign National
- Forward Lateral (football term)
- Found Missing
- Free Gift
- Freezer Burn
- Fresh Cheese
- Fresh Frozen
- Fresh Smelt
- Friendly Argument
- Friendly Fire
- Front End
- Fun Run
- Functional Illiterate
- Fuzzy Logic
- Gentleman Bandit
- Gentleman's Club
- Gentle Turbulence
- Girly Man
- Global Village
- Good Cigar
- Good Grief
- Good Loser
- Good Shit
- Gourmet Pizza
- Government Organization
- Government Intelligence
- Government Worker
- Graduate Student
- Graphic Language
- Great Depression (what was so great about it?)
- Greater Cleveland
- Greater Evil
- Group of individuals
- Growing Smaller
- Guest Host
- Gun Safe
- Half Full (or Half Empty)
- Hamburger Steak
- Happily Married (groan)
- Hard Curve
- Hard Liquor
- Hard Pillow
- Hard Roll
- Hard Water
- Haitian former President-for-life Jean-Claude Duvalier
- Head Butt
- Healthy Tan
- Heavy Gas
- Hermitage (where multiple hermits live)
- Hell's Angels
- High Minimum Wage
- High-Speed Computer
- Higher Ground
- Highway Underpass
- Holistic Healing
- Hollow Point
- Holy Crap
- Holy War
- Homeopathic Medicine
- Honest Cheater (click for proof)
- Honest Crook
- Hopelessly Optimistic
- Horse Fly
- Hot Chili
- Hot Ice
- Hot Water Heater
- House Boat
- Humble Opinion
- Ice Water, Iced Coffee
- Idiot Savant
- Incredibly Convincing
- Independent Financial Advisor
- Industrial Park
- Inexpensive Car
- Instant Classic
- Internet Security
- Invisible Ink
- Irate Patient
- Jet Lag
- Job Security
- Jumbo Shrimp
- Junk Food
- Lamp Shade
- Last Initial
- Lean Pork
- Least Favorite
- Legal Brief
- Legally Drunk
- Legitimate Ruler
- Liberal Bias
- Light Heavyweight
- Light-Skinned Black
- Limited Edition Print
- Limited Lifetime Guarantee
- Liquid Crystal
- Liquid Gas
- Little Giant
- Live Recording
- Living Dead
- Long Shorts
- Loud Whisper
- "Love to Hate"
- Low Altitude
- Man Child
- Mandatory Elective
- Mandatory Option
- Marijuana Initiative
- Melted Ice
- Mercy Killing
- Metal Wood (golf club)
- Microsoft Works
- Mild Abrasive
- Military Intelligence, Military Justice
- Minor Disaster
- Miracle Drug
- Mobile Station
- Modern Classic
- Modern History
- Mournful Optimism
- Moving Target
- Much Less
- Music Business
- Mutual Differences
- Natural Makeup
- Near Miss
- Necessary Evil
- Negative Growth (economic recession)
- New and Improved
- "New Antiques arriving daily!"
- New Classic
- New Tradition
- Night Light
- Non-Dairy Creamer
- Non-Denominational Church
- Non-Stop Flight
- "Now, then"
- Old Boy
- Old News
- One-man band
- Only Choice
- Open Marriage
- Open Secret
- Organized Mess
- Original Copy
- Oxymoron (oxy=sharp, moron=dull)
- Paid Volunteer
- Partially Complete
- Passive Aggression
- Passive Preamp (an audio preamp is active by definition)
- Peace Force, Peace Offensive, Peacemaker Missile
- Perfect Idiot
- Perfectly Awful
- Permanent (as in hair treatment that has to be done regularly)
- Pet Fish
- Pianoforte
- Plastic Cork (I opened a bottle of cheap wine just last night!)
- Plastic Glasses, Plastic Silverware
- Plastic Wood Blocks (percussion instrument)
- Political Science
- Postal Service
- Posthumous Conception (using sperm frozen before the donor died)
- Preemptive Self-Defense
- Preliminary Final
- Press Release
- Pretty Ugly
- Primitive Technology (Aboriginal and other early crafts)
- Progressive Conservative
- Public Opinion (opinions are unique)
- Pure Evil
- Random Logic
- Rap Artist
- Rap Music, Military Music
- Rarely Done
- Reagan Democrat
- Reagan's Memoirs
- Reality Television
- Recent History
- Red Licorice
- Relaxation Exercise
- Religious Education
- Religious Right (because they're wrong)
- Religious Tolerance
- Resident Alien
- Restless Sleep
- Retired Worker
- Rolling Stop
- Rogue Cop
- Rural Metro (ambulance service)
- Rush Hour
- RV Resort
- Safe Sex (click here)
- Safety Hazard
- Same Difference
- Sanitary Landfill
- Sanitary Napkin
- Science Fiction
- Second Best
- Self-help Group
- Self-rescue (wind-surfing term)
- Self-taught
- Serious Clown
- "Seriously, you need to lighten up."
- Short Distance
- Signing Off On something
- Silent Alarm
- Silent Scream
- Single Diversity (a type of wireless microphone)
- Singular Relationship
- Sit Up
- Slumber Party
- Small Crowd
- Small World
- Social Outcast
- Social Science
- Soft Rock
- Solo Concert
- Sour Cream
- Speed Limit
- Spendthrift
- Stand Down
- Stock Modified (performance car term)
- Stop Action (w/thanks to John Sweeney)
- Straight Hooks
- String Cheese
- Stripper's Dressing Room
- Structured C Program
- Student Teacher
- Suicide Victim
- Sure Bet
- Sweet and Sour
- Sweet Sorrow
- Synthetic natural gas
- Talk Show
- Tax Return
- Tentative Decision
- Terribly Nice
- Terribly Pleased
- Terrific Headache
- Tight Slacks
- Titanium woods (golf clubs)
- Toll Free
- Tough Love
- Traffic Flow
- Tragic Comedy
- Truck Farm
- Turned Up Missing
- Unacceptable Solution
- Unbiased O
- Uninvited Guest
- United Independent (a real taxi company in Los Angeles)
- United Nations
- Unknown Identity
- Upper Low (weather term)
- Urban Cowboy
- Useful Oxymoron
- Vacation Bible School
- Vibrating Ringtone
- Victimless Crime
- Virtual Reality
- Wake (you wake up, yet at a wake you're dead)
- War Games
- Where the Truth Lies
- White Chocolate
- White Lie
- Wicked Good
- Wireless Cable (type of cable TV transmission)
- Work Party
- Working Vacation
- Young Adult
Did I miss any?
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