Men's Rules
Women, learn to work the
toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up,
you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it
down.
Birthdays,
Valentines, and Anniversaries are not considered by us to be
opportunities to see if we can find the perfect present again!
Sometimes
we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
Sunday =
sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
Don't cut
your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair.
One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women
always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.
Ask for
what you want. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
We don't
remember dates. . . .Period!!
Most guys
own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good
at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
Yes and
No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
Come to
us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
A
headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
Anything
we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all
comments become null and void after 7 days.
If you
won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act
like soap opera guys.
If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We've been
tricked before!!
If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways
makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.
You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.
Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.
Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months
we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.
ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach,
for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have
no idea what mauve is.
If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading
ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing", we will act like
nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the
hassle.
If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you
don't want to hear.
Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to
discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster
trucks.
Foreign films are
best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where
it doesn't really matter what they're saying anyway.)
