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 Summer is HERE ! Yeahhhhh ! Announcement: Spam filter has caused great problems for the delivery of Friday Funnies. To help combat that, I have put an RSS feed on the archives page (at the top) In the next couple weeks, I will be going through the email list of recipients one-by-one and sending e-mails announcing the RSS feed. In case, you (or "they") don't get this issue. So be on the watch for an e-mail from funnies. Who knows maybe there will be something in it besides the RSS announcement.
Some are old, some are new
(to me), and all are abit corny...but they still make me laugh:
Why I don't work there anymore...
I used to be a butcher, but I backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in my work. I used to be an optician, but I made a spectacle of myself. I worked on screen doors, but I strained myself. I used to work as a hot-air balloon pilot, but my status was up in the air. I used to work in a frozen food factory, but I got fresh and then they canned me. I used to work in a dairy. I got fired for getting in the whey. (That has to be a written joke) I lost my job at the massage parlor. I rubbed people the wrong way. I was working in an orange juice factory, but I couldn't concentrate. I tried to be a chef. I imagined it would add a little spice to my life, but I didn't have the thyme. I once was a tailor, but I wasn't suited for it. It was a so-sew job. I worked at Starbucks, but it was the same old grind. I tried working in a muffler factory, but that was too exhausting. I tried to work at a deli, but no matter how I sliced it, I couldn't cut the mustard. I worked for a plumber, but that work was too draining. I even worked as a lumberjack, but I couldn't hack it. So they gave me the ax. I tried to work in a shoe factory, but I couldn't fit in. I became a fisherman, but couldn't live on my net income. I was a musician, but I found I wasn't noteworthy. I then got a job at a workout club, but they said I wasn't fit for the job. I got a job as a historian, but there was no future in that! I wanted to become a doctor, but I didn't have any patience. There were several others,
but I edited the list to "Rated G"
LET HEAVEN AND EARTH PRAISE
HIM,
THE SEAS AND ALL THAT MOVE IN THEM. ( PSALM 69:34 *NIV ) There are times when we may feel that there is nothing to praise God for. After all life can become very difficult at times. So when you are feeling that way why not read the 103rd PSALM, for David lists several reasons to praise God in that Psalm. For example David wrote: PRAISE THE LORD, O MY SOUL; ALL MY INMOST BEING, PRAISE HIS HOLY NAME. PRAISE THE LORD, O MY SOUL, AND FORGET NOT ALL HIS BENEFITS. WHO FORGIVES ALL YOUR SINS AND HEALS ALL YOUR DISEASES, WHO REDEEMS YOUR LIFE FROM THE PIT AND CROWNS YOU WITH LOVE AND COMPASSION, WHO SATISFIES YOUR DESIRES WITH GOOD THINGS SO THAT YOUR YOUTH IS RENEWED LIKE THE EAGLE'S. And those are just the first five verses (PSALM 103:1-5 ), there are seventeen more verses to be found. When you think about it, the list is really endless! So come let us praise the Lord and: COME, LET US BOW DOWN IN WORSHIP, LET US KNEEL BEFORE THE LORD OUR MAKER; FOR WE ARE THE PEOPLE OF HIS PASTURE, THE FLOCK UNDER HIS CARE. ( PSALM 95:6-7 ) Have a wonderful day, and may the love of Christ fill your heart and mind, now and always! Amen. In HIS Love & Service, Pastor Allen Adapted from the June 18, 2008 issue of "God's Minute"
  WOW! Talk about rationalizing yourself right into hell, this book will do it. I am NOT presenting this book as a suggestion, but rather a warning. Dr. Miller (a professed Catholic), put together a one-sided, yet very convincing assault on the Creationism. Never before have I seen such a masterful attack on a fundamental belief of the Christian Church. Granted, I'm not a fan of the Intelligent Design (in fact, I think it either is or borders on blasphemy), however, the depths of the attack on creationism is relentless. I was amazed at how the author picked apart and torn at the holes in the "case for creation" and either white-washed or completely ignored the enormous gaping holes in the "case for evolution." He asked us to put our blind faith in science, you know that group of perfect people who taught that the sun rotated around the earth, and told us the asbestos would save the world, and thought that X-rays caused no harm. Yeah, their track record instills faith. He wants us to believe that everything evolved from a single cell, but offers no explanation where the cell came from. It seems he has forgotten his Sunday School lesson, evolution is a theory, God is a fact. Maybe Dr. Miller just needs a dictionary.
Just when you thought that writing their name in a little ones clothes was enough...Safety Tattoos come along. I love the idea, I am sure to buy some.  They have quite a selection--from the obvious "If lost" to the practical "I'm autistic" and a number of options in between. If there is a little one in your life, I think these are a must. Even if they are old enough to say give their telephone number, what if they can't or are just too scared to remember it? |
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email:
funnies@clmcgown.com
phone:
888-819-1760 ext.10
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