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Sunday
is the 4th Sunday in July, and is a Nationally recognized
holiday. As if Mother's
Day and Father's Day
aren't enough, this Sunday is Parent's Day. I have no intention of
going on about this, because I think it is silly. But, if you
want to learn more, feel free to visit their website:
Bill,
Jim, and Scott were at a convention together and were sharing a
large suite on the top of a 75 story sky scraper. After a long
day of meetings they were shocked to hear that the elevators in
their hotel were broken and they would have to climb 75 flights of
stairs to get to their room. Bill said to Jim and Scott,
let's break the monotony of this unpleasant task by concentrating
on something interesting. I'll tell jokes for 25 flights,
and Jim can sing songs for 25 flights, and Scott can tell sad
stories the rest of the way. At the 26th floor Bill stopped
telling jokes and Jim began to sing. At the 51st floor Jim
stopped singing and Scott began to tell sad stories. "I
will tell my saddest story first," he said. "I left the room key in the car!" For the trekies in the world: Picard: Sigma Indri, that's the star, So, Data, please, how far? How far? Data: Our ship can get there very fast But still the trip will last and last We'll have two days til we arrive But can the Indrans there survive? Picard: LaForge, please give us factor nine. LaForge: But, sir, the engines are offline! Picard: Offline! But why? I want to go! Please make it so, please make it so! Riker: But sir, if Geordi says we can't, We can't, we mustn't, and we shan't, The danger here is far too great! Picard: But surely we must not be late! Troi: I'm sensing anger and great ire. Computer: Alert! Alert! The ship's on fire! Picard: The ship's on fire? How could this be? Who lit the fire? Riker: Not me. Worf: Not me. Picard: Computer, how long til we die? Computer: Eight minutes left to say goodbye. Data: May I suggest a course to take? We could, I think, quite safely make Extinguishers from tractor beams And stop the fire, or so it seems... Geordi: Hurray! Hurray! You've saved the day! Again I say, Hurray! Hurray! Picard: Mr. Data, thank you much. You've saved our lives, our ship, and such. Troi: We still must save the Indran planet -- Data: Which (by the way) is made of granite... Picard: Enough, you android. Please desist. We understand -- we get your gist. But can we get our ship to go? Please, make it so, PLEASE make it so. Geordi: There's sabotage among the wires And that's what started all the fires. Riker: We have a saboteur? Oh, no! We need to go! We need to go! Troi: We must seek out the traitor spy And lock him up and ask him why? Worf: Ask him why? How sentimental. I say give him problems dental. Troi: Are any Romulan ships around? Have scanners said that they've been found? Or is it Borg or some new threat We haven't even heard of yet? I sense no malice in this crew. Now what are we supposed to do? Crusher: Captain, please, the Indrans need us. They cry out, "Help us, clothe us, feed us!" I can't just sit and let them die! A doctor MUST attempt -- MUST try! Picard: Doctor, please, we'll get there soon. Crusher: They may be dead by Tuesday noon. *COMMERCIAL BREAK, COMMERCIAL BREAK HOW LONG WILL THESE DUMB ADS TAKE?* Worf: The saboteur is in the brig. He's very strong and very big. I had my phaser set on stun -- A zzzip! A zzzap! Another one! He would not budge, he would not fall, He would not stun, no, not at all! He changed into a stranger form All soft and purple, round and warm. Picard: Did you see this, Mr. Worf? Did you see this creature morph? Worf: I did and then I beat him fairly. Hit him on the jaw -- quite squarely. Riker: My commendations, Klingon friend! Our troubles now are at an end! Crusher: Now let's get our ship to fly And orbit yonder Indran sky! Picard:
LaForge, please tell me we can go...? Geordi: Yes, sir, we can. Picard: Then make it so!
"Never try to teach a pig to sing. It will waste your time and annoy the pig." -- Anonymous Feel free to extrapolate and apply this to your own personal situation and frustration. I've found that at times I'm the would-be teach, and at others, I'm the pig.
Isaiah 55:8-9: "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. 9 "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.  This is one of the many passages that brings me comfort when my mind tries to rationalize God. When I try to apply my limited intellect to understand the mysteries of God, I look to the Lord's declaration in these verses. In general, I need both the mystery and majesty of God. I need the one I worship to be too big for me to understand. I need the One who created me to be beyond His creation's comprehension. BUT, from time-to-time, I find myself trying to reason my beliefs. As I start to spiral into what has come to be known as intellectual humanism, the calm and reassuring voice of God quietly speaks and breaks through the clutter--"my ways [are] higher than your ways and my thoughts [are higher and greater] than your thoughts." The calm of Christ deals a devastating blow to my sad, pathetic attempts to put Him in a box. What a wonderful (and mysterious) God I serve!
   While this is a good one, I don't want to forget about: Silent Words Loudly Spoken: Church Sign Sayings
The Great American Book of Church Signs The Bible in the Public Square: Reading the
Signs of the Times
 Last week, I promised you a "wonderful church marquee 'tool'." Here it is.... www.churchsigngenerator.com. This site has improved significantly since I was first introduced to it (thanks Lisa). With this tool you can now change the name of the church, including colors, and fonts. It is genuinely a powerful tool to have fun with (or at the expense of) friends. If church signs aren't enough, visit their "home" site: www.says-it.com for a host of other "generators". The options include the ability to "pave" the moon, and put words in the mouth of politicians. Have fun and send me your best church signs.... | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| email:
funnies@clmcgown.com
phone:
888-819-1760 ext.10
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