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A Letter From Santa
To: All Concerned From: Santa Claus I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer serve the States of Georgia, Alabama, Florida, Virginia, North & South Carolina, Tennessee, Mississippi, Texas, and Arkansas on Christmas Eve. Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209. As part of the new and better contract I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies so keep that in mind. However, I'm certain that your children will be in good hands with your local replacement, who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus. His side of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls; however, there are a few differences between us such as: There is no danger of the Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads: "These toys insured by Smith and Wesson." Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children leave an RC cola and pork rinds [or a moon pie] on the fireplace. And Bubba doesn't smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff though, so please have an empty spit can handy. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin' coon dogs instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of my reindeer one time and now the head of Blitzen's cousin overlooks Bubba's fireplace. You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen.." when Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear, "On Earnhardt, on Andretti, on Elliott and Petty." "Ho, Ho, Ho!" has been replaced by "Yee Haw!" And you also are likely to hear Bubba's elves respond, "I her'd dat!" and "Git R' Done" As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus' sleigh does have a Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words "Back Off." The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle on 34th Street" and "It's a Wonderful Life" will not be shown in your negotiated viewing area. Instead, you'll see "Boss Hogg Saves Christmas" and "Smokey and the Bandit IV" featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens of state patrol cars crashing into each other. It's also possible that Earnest Saves Christmas will be shown! And Finally, Bubba Claus doesn't wear a trouser belt. If I were you, I'd make sure the wife, and the kids turn the other way when he bends over to put presents under the tree. Sincerely; Santa Claus
"Unless we make Christmas an occasion to share our blessings, all the snow in Alaska won't make it 'white'." - Bing Crosby
JESUS IS BETTER THAN SANTA
 Santa
lives at the North Pole...JESUS is everywhere. Santa rides in a sleigh... JESUS rides on the wind and walks on the water. Santa comes but once a year... JESUS is an ever present help. Santa fills your stockings with goodies... JESUS supplies all your needs. Santa comes down your chimney uninvited... JESUS stands at your door and knocks, and then enters your heart when invited. You have to wait in line to see Santa... JESUS is as close as the mention of His name. Santa lets you sit on his lap... JESUS lets you rest in His arms. Santa doesn't know your name, all he can say is "Hi little boy or girl, what's your name?"... JESUS knew our name before we were born. Not only does He know our name, He knows our address too. He knows our history and future and He even knows how many hairs are on our heads. Santa has a belly like a bowl full of jelly... JESUS has a heart full of love All Santa can offer is HO HO HO... JESUS offers health, help and hope. Santa says "You better not cry"... JESUS says "Cast all your cares on me for I care for you." Santa's little helpers make toys... JESUS makes new life, mends wounded hearts, repairs broken homes and builds mansions. Santa may make you chuckle but... JESUS gives you joy that is your strength. While Santa puts gifts under your tree... JESUS became our gift and died on a tree...the cross. We need to put Christ back in
CHRISTmas,
Featured Verse:Jesus is still the reason for the season. "For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life" (John 3:16) This section
courtesy of: Peggy's Place
 Video
is in wmv format.
(left click to watch. right click to download.) I debated whether to put this in the Proposed Point & Click section or the Media Moment section. The more I thought about it, I realized it is art...thus in my mind it belongs in this section. You can practice these and the next time the power goes out, you will have a great way to entertain with only a flashlight and a blank wall. Enjoy... 
  This video is not specific to Christmas, but the tune is. Besides, it works for all the junk we get during the festive and fattening holiday. I hope you enjoy it...maybe as I watch it again, I'll get the lesson in it...but I doubt it. |
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email:
funnies@clmcgown.com
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888-819-1760 ext.10
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