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I have only gotten a little bit of feed back on the Friday Funnies. I'm with Gary Gnu, when he says "No Gnuws, is good Gnuws." So, I will assume you are enjoying them. Are you passing them along also? I hope so. When you do, please also encourage your friends to sign up to receive them each week. There is a link at the bottom of every one that takes 'you' right to the same sign-up page you went to. It has been a long, hot week, so without any more....
Greetings all. These are all written in first person, but none of this ever happened to me. However, sometimes I wish I met people this interestingly stupid--I just me boring stupid people...and lots of them. Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets. "We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager at the counter. "You don't?" I replied. "We only have six, nine, or twelve," was the reply. "So I can't order a half-dozen nuggets, but I can order six?" "That's right." So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets. I was checking out at the local Foodland with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those "Dividers" that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the "Divider" looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code she said to me "Do you know how much this is?" and I said to her "I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy that today." She said "OK." I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue what had just happened. A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM "thingy". I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. Do you need some help? I asked. She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door UN-locker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenient store) would have a battery to fit this?" "Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm too?" I asked. "No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk." Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?" "Just use copier machine paper," the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies.
"The harder I work, the luckier I
get!"
Accredited to different sources, but most often golfer Gary Player. My favorite American, Ben Franklin, said it like this: "Diligence is the mother of good luck."
Waiting means...well, waiting. The dictionary defines waiting as "to stay in place in expectation of" or "to be ready and available." Waiting on God means stopping long enough for Him to speak, expecting Him to respond, being alert to His presence and work. You can't do that very well if you're in a hurry, filling every moment with noise and activity (no matter how good or beneficial that activity may be). Silent waiting doesn't mean that you're not doing all the talking. No, it means, you're not doing any of the talking. You're ready, eager and confident that you'll hear from Him. I would like to say it is a "simple fact", but 'simple', like 'beauty' is in the 'eye' of the beholder. So...It is a fact, you can't "wait" in a hurry. You need more than 30 seconds on your way out the door in the morning to wait. Besides, if you are walking out the door, or sitting in your car in traffic, is not waiting (Well, you may be waiting on that jerk in front of you to hang up and drive, but not waiting solely on God.). So, plan it into your time with God once or twice a week. I'm not asking you to plan your spontaneity, but I am saying you need to plan time to silently wait on God. Historically, some Christian orders or communities would practice the discipline of silence, setting aside a period of time when talking was not allowed so a person could devote that time to prayer and listening to God. I question the effectiveness or authenticity of such mandated religion. Further, I don't think that required time and scheduled time are the same thing. So, you may want to set aside time (even as little as a quarter hour), when you turn off all the noise and distractions in your life, shut up (this includes the voice in your head), and be quiet before God. Be sure to keep your Bible handy...God often speaks to me through inspiration in His Word.
  I'm all about second chances. I have lived in the grace of second chances all of my life. All too often I am also asking for third, fourth, fortieth chances. Many of you may remember Herb Albert from his days with the Tijuana Brass. However, in his album Second Wind , Herb
Albert goes in an entirely new and very enjoyable
direction. This album is undoubtedly the album I
use most when the day is too long and the kids too active. I love it...I hope you do too.
If you have read my book, Ravings
Of A Sane Man (shameless plug), you may recall a chapter
titled "Wasted Science". It was during my research
for that chapter (boy, that sounds funny) that I stumbled upon the
website " Improbable
Research, Research that makes you LAUGH and then THINK."  At the time of this writing, the lead "story" was on a new book in which a rogue Physicist uses physics to prove Christianity. I don't think I'll buy that book, but maybe one of you will and tell me how it is. Since then, I have gone back to that site a number to times. I am still amazed at how much time, energy, and money is wasted in the name of science. If you have never visited the site, it is worth the visit. In fact, I have added it to my list of "Favorites" on my internet explorer. Give it a 'click' and see if you can find the 'Proposed Point' -- www.improb.com. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
email:
funnies@clmcgown.com
phone:
888-819-1760 ext.10
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