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Updates
From the Field: Kenya # 45: August 29, 2009 |
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| Dear Family and Friends, I find that doubt can creep in when we least expect it and ruin our experiences. However, sometimes we need to reexamine our motives and actions. We need to be asking, "Am I doing enough?" About a year ago, I went to visit a small corps in the slums of Nairobi (Shauri Moyo). After visiting the officer, his family and the nursery school. the officer asked me to do a home visit with a little boy named Nicholas. Nicholas was 8 at the time and an earlier illness had left him disabled. He could not walk or talk. His mother could not afford a wheel chair, so as she went to look for work, he sat alone in the home in a chair that kept him sitting up and still. I was able to get him a wheel chair and some mattresses with a donation, and I received a report saying that he was very happy. The neighborhood kids were taking him around outside in his new wheelchair. I like when things are easy and have a tangible ending. So, I put the situation out of my mind, simply thinking I had done something good. A couple of months ago, the new corps officer in that area brought a letter to me from the mother asking for more help. I quickly said there was no more money we could give her. Then, he told me she wanted to get Nicholas into school. I told her the steps she would have to go through to get him enrolled, but I had little hope since I know Joytown has a waiting list of about 200 kids. I was waiting to hear if she would go through the process when I got word that Nicholas passed away. He was 9 years old. Did I do enough for Nicholas? Just a couple of days ago, I was driving home and as I stopped an at intersection a little boy in rags came to the window to beg. This happens quite often, and I hate to encourage them to be on the streets, so I said no. A minute later, I bought a DVD from a vendor on the street. As I handed my money over, I thought, "How would that boy use this money? He could probably get food for his whole family." Do I do enough for all the children I see on the street who are poor and begging? I now have 3 months left in Kenya, and I can feel myself starting to shut down. There is that dangerous pull to withdraw from relationships and avoid hard decisions. It is too easy to hang back with the excuse of not starting anything I can't finish well. I could miss important opportunities to bless people or be blessed. Am I doing enough? Doubt can be a dangerous thing. It can make you question all you do and leave you with a feeling of emptiness; even when you are doing the right thing. I don't think it's always bad to have doubts. I want to keep examining my motives and actions. I want to make sure I am doing enough and not falling into complacency. I need to pray for guidance, do what I feel led to, and leave the rest with God. The verse for the week is:
"Let us think about each other and help each other to show love and do good deeds." ~ Hebrews 10:24 My love to you, Armida Armida
LaMarr |
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